A Game of COURAGE Read online

Was this one of the bastards waiting to take his place?

  That thought was enough to send Mason’s blood boiling.

  “What are you doing in my house?” Mason fixed his gaze on the baffled man, his eyes darting to Jules then back to him. “I asked you a question.”

  “Mason, don’t be rude. This is Jeremy’s new speech therapist.”

  The man started toward him, his hand extended. “My name’s Leigh Young.”

  Mason gave the man a quick once-over, and Leigh let his hand drop. Leigh was a far cry from Jeremy’s former therapist. Nothing about Mrs. Reed had been this young, tall, or athletic. Where the hell did Jules find this guy?

  Mason fixed his glare on his wife. “What happened to the last one you spoke to me about? Ashley something.”

  Jules’ brows pulled together. “What are you talking about? This is Ashleigh.”

  “My friends call me Leigh.”

  “So you consider all your clients your friends,” Mason said tersely.

  “Only the ones I like.”

  Leigh smiled in a way that made him want to knock his teeth in. Instead, Mason went to stand by his wife.

  “My wife can be very likable,” he said evenly, placing his hand on the small of her back.

  Mason didn’t give a shit how possessive it made him look—or that Jules was shooting daggers in his direction with her pretty amber eyes. Whatever thoughts this guy had in his head about his wife, Mason hoped to squash them, quick.

  “Mind telling me what you’re doing here in my home, with my wife and son?” His hand involuntarily tightened around her, and she shot him a quick glance.

  “Sure. I was just telling Jules how much progress Jeremy has been making with the new communication app we’ve started him on.”

  “That’s great. Why don’t you fill me in?”

  Mason sat next to a tense Jules as Leigh explained the new alternative communication program to him. They spent the next twenty minutes going over methods to implement the new tool in Jeremy’s day-to-day routine whenever he went nonverbal. Though Mason didn’t like to push their son into something that could lead to sensory overload and a possible meltdown, he had to admit that the new communication method seemed like a simple enough process for Jeremy to adopt.

  Throughout the meeting, Jules nodded and smiled and asked all the appropriate questions. She was pleasant throughout the entire debrief, but from the rigidity in her slender frame, Mason knew she was a dam waiting to burst.

  When it was over, Mason walked Leigh to the door. Whatever Mason might have thought of the guy at the beginning, it was clear he was serious about his work and committed to helping their son.

  “Look, I didn’t mean to bite your head off earlier,” Mason said as they reached the door. “It’s just I can never be too careful who comes around my family.”

  “No, of course you can’t. You and the Cajun Rage are celebrities around here. I have a friend who’s a big fan of yours. He’s been following your career since we were in high school.”

  Mason’s lips tightened. Leigh couldn’t be that much younger than him, and yet Mason felt older than his thirty-nine years. It didn’t help that he was staring forty right in the face—or the fact that with every year he aged, Jules seemed to get younger and more beautiful.

  “Tell your friend I appreciate the dedication.”

  Leigh nodded, and Mason shut the door after him. When he turned around, he was surprised to find Jules standing behind him.

  “This doesn’t change anything, Mason.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Coming here, playing the jealous husband, which was completely uncalled for. And humiliating, by the way. You clearly haven’t paid any attention to what’s been going on in this house, and today only proved my point.”

  “Jules, I know I screwed up today—”

  She waved her hand dismissively. “It doesn’t matter, Mason. Nothing you say can change the fact that I gave you another chance to prove you wanted to make this marriage work, but you blew it. I honestly don’t know how much more I have left in me to keep doing this with you.”

  Mason frowned, irritated by her lack of understanding. It was as if she didn’t care that she would be tearing their family apart.

  “Damn it, Jules. Why can’t you see that I’m fucking trying?”

  “Ooh. Daddy said a bad word.”

  They both turned to find a giggling Madison peeking around the corner.

  “Madison, it’s not nice to listen to grownups talking,” Jules reprimanded. “Especially when they don’t know you’re there.”

  Madison pouted. “Sorry, Mommy. I just wanna say hi to Daddy.”

  Jules gave her a short nod, and their daughter came running toward him. He picked her up and her small arms wrapped around his neck.

  “Hi, Daddy.”

  Mason held her close, breathing in her sweet scent. “Hi, honey.”

  These were the small moments he treasured, the moments he would miss. Seeing and holding his children whenever he wanted was what kept his heart beating. Yet, all that would change if Jules decided to move forward with this divorce.

  He couldn’t let that happen.

  “Carrie,” Jules called, and the nanny hurried to where they stood.

  “Yes?”

  “Can you please take the children into the TV room?”

  Carrie nodded and held her arms out to Madison. She shook her head and, like a repeat of the other night, tightened her arms around him.

  “I don’t wanna watch TV. I wanna stay and talk to Daddy.”

  Mason rubbed her back. “Madison, Mommy needs to talk to me first.”

  She lifted her head from the crook of his neck. “Is Mommy mad at you?”

  “Madison, we need you to go with Carrie and your brother to the other room,” Jules said. “Right now.”

  “Are you going to yell at Daddy?”

  Jules sighed and rubbed her temple. “Daddy and I need to have our grownup talk. Why don’t you go make cookies with Carrie?”

  “I’ll come help you eat them after Mommy and I are done talking,” Mason whispered in her ear. “Okay?”

  “Okay!”

  Madison wiggled out of his arms and ran past Carrie toward the kitchen.

  “Let’s go into the bedroom and talk?” Jules said as they overheard Carrie attempting to drag Jeremy away from his tablet.

  Mason followed her into their large bedroom. His gaze fell on the large four-poster bed, then he quickly glanced away. It had been a while since they had done more than just sleep on that vintage-style bed.

  He shut the door behind him, and she went to stand at the foot of the bed. She stood there rigidly, her expression a blank mask. She was trying to hide her feelings behind a serene façade, but she didn’t have to.

  He knew exactly how pissed she was.

  “Jules, I know you don’t want to hear excuses about why I missed our session, so I won’t bother with them. All I can say is that I’m sorry I let you down. Again. It won’t happen again. I promise.”

  Jules stared at her husband, trying to get a handle on the myriad of emotions moving through her.

  Greater than her anger and disappointment—and even her resentment—was the terrible heartache piercing through her. She had counted on him to show up today, to assure her that he was as committed to repairing their marriage as she was. Yet with every moment that had passed, the level of her despair had only increased.

  It wasn’t until it reached its peak that she had come to accept that she would never be his number one. Now he wanted her to believe things would change because he promised?

  “We can reschedule for any day next week, Jules, and I’ll be there.”

  She slowly shook her head. “No.”

  “No?”

  “No, Mason. You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to snap your fingers and decide when to be present in this marriage. It’s over. It’s been over for a while now, but you’ve been too busy to notice.”


  His face blanched, but there was a fire in his deep blue eyes that was distinct. “Jules, you don’t mean that. I may have been a bit preoccupied this season, but that doesn’t mean you should throw away eight years of marriage.”

  “Nine.”

  “What?”

  “This year, we celebrated nine years of marriage.”

  The muscles in his jaw flexed and he ran a hand across the back of his neck. “Okay. Nine. But you know what I mean.”

  “Oh, I think I’m starting to get a clue. What you mean is that it’s okay for you to cancel our family vacation because you need to spend more time training your players. That it’s okay for you to forget our wedding anniversary because you had a game to go to.”

  Jules swallowed and blinked back her tears, remembering how alone she had felt that day. “What I’ve finally understood from you, Mason, is that it’s okay for you to miss every important aspect of our family’s lives so long as your players are scoring and winning championships.”

  “That’s not true and you know it,” he snapped, a fierce scowl tugging at his dark brows. “I love you. I love our kids. Nothing could replace that or take that away. Except you. You’re the one trying to take my kids from me, and I won’t let you.”

  “I’m not taking the kids anywhere. I do think it’s best if you found someplace else to stay while we work through this, but you’re welcome to come see the kids whenever you find the time.” She took a deep breath then said in a rush, “I just can’t be your wife anymore. What we once had is…gone.”

  His gaze sharpened on her. “Who is he?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “There’s someone else. I know it. If it’s not the guy in the photo, it’s someone else. So who’s trying to take you away from me?”

  She wrapped her arms around herself, wondering how he could see so much yet still see nothing at all.

  “Mason, for the last time, I’m not seeing anyone else. This is about me being in this marriage by myself, and that’s not the kind of marriage I want. You say you love me, yet I always seem to come last on your list. Between your team and the kids, I’m the one who has to settle for the crumbs of your attention, and I can’t be satisfied with that anymore.”

  He was silent for a moment before he asked quietly, “Do you still love me?”

  Jules clenched her teeth. Of course she did. It was because she loved him that she knew it was best they ended it now, before they did something to hurt each other. And she didn’t want to hurt him.

  Yet there was another small part of her that wanted to make him as miserable as she had felt these past few months. And she hated that part of herself. She never wanted to intentionally hurt him, but she feared her anger and resentment would one day push her to do something she would hate herself for.

  And he would hate her forever.

  Then again, maybe it was for the best that he learned about that secret part of her. Then he would understand why getting a divorce was for the best…

  “Mason, do you know how I spent our wedding anniversary last month? While you were away at one of your games, I got dressed up and took myself out to dinner. Alone. I was going to celebrate it, whether you wanted to be there with me or not.” She couldn’t bear his piercing gaze any longer, so she dropped her eyes down to her clasped hands. “I ordered the most expensive wine, tried all kinds of different dishes, and kept telling myself I was having a good time, even though I wasn’t. Not until…”

  How much should she tell him? Just remembering that brief moment of irrational thinking made her feel disgusted with herself. But he needed to know.

  “Until what?” His tone was gruff with suppressed ferocity.

  Jules squared her shoulders and met his hard gaze. “Until a man decided to join me and turned my lonely dinner into a not-so-lonely one. It was probably one of the best nights I’d had in a long time. He paid attention to me, and it felt nice.”

  Mason said nothing as he continued to stare at her, his face flushed and the muscles in his throat working.

  “Did you…” He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “No, I didn’t have sex with him.” She didn’t take her eyes off him when she added quietly, “For a split second, though, I thought about it. Not because I wanted him, but because I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to get back at you for leaving me alone that day, for not being the kind of husband I wanted you to be. But I knew I could never do that, and I didn’t.”

  Jules braced herself for his outrage. She was no stranger to his temper, yet she hadn’t expected this eerie silence. He kept his head hung low with his hand over his face. She couldn’t read his expression, but from the slight trembling in his hands, she figured he was trying to keep it together.

  Why didn’t he say something?

  He shook his head as if struggling with something internally. Then suddenly, a harsh snarl burst from him and she jumped from the wounded sound.

  “Fuck, Jules! How could you—”

  To her dismay, he swung around and struck the wall behind him. Hard.

  “Fuck.”

  She grimaced from the severe blow his fist suffered, but she maintained her composure. He took a step toward her then just as quickly doubled back, as if thinking against approaching her. She had never feared him or his anger before, but this was different.

  She took a steadying breath before she spoke again. “Are you done? Because I won’t talk until you get your temper in check.”

  He kept his back turned to her, his tall frame ramrod straight. “I would never hit you, Jules. You know that.”

  “I thought I knew a lot of things about you, about us, but it’s all been just one big fairytale. One that I thought I was happy with, but I’m not. I’m miserable and you’re…distracted. Let’s end this now before we end up hurting each other.”

  “That’s the difference between us, Jules. I could never hurt you. Ever. I wouldn’t want to.”

  The pain and guilt she had thought she had managed to bury over the past few weeks resurfaced, and she nearly buckled under its weight.

  “Mason, I—”

  “Don’t.”

  He turned to face her. The look in his now glassy eyes wrenched her heart right out of her chest.

  “You’ve made yourself clear, but now it’s my turn. I’ve tried convincing you that I still want our marriage to work, but I’m done asking. So this is how things are going to go. I’m going to reschedule another session with Dr. Kahn. You want to talk, we’ll talk. Then you’re going to get on the phone today and call off your lawyer.”

  Jules stared at him, stunned at how level his words were, despite his gruff tone.

  “While we work our shit out, I’m going to move into the guest room. You’ll have the space to be angry and resentful toward me for however long you need. When you’re ready to have me back in here, just say the word. But I’ll be damned if I let you split our family because of some warped sense of revenge you had, or have, against me.”

  In a few long strides, he came to stand directly in front of her. She sucked in a breath.

  “I’m still in love with you, Jules. That hasn’t stopped for me. Has it stopped for you?”

  She hesitated for the briefest of moments before she finally responded. “I’ve never lied to you, Mason. I never would.”

  He regarded her carefully. “Then until you can tell me that you don’t love me anymore, we’re giving this marriage a fighting chance. For us and for the kids.” He cupped her chin and lifted her face to his. “You got me?”

  Her eyes probed his. Behind his penetrating gaze and sharp command was an anxiety she had never seen in him before. He was afraid of losing her, of losing their family, and that fear gave her a small bit of hope. In spite of his recent indifference to the matters within their home, he did care about saving their marriage.

  And deep in her core, so did she.

  5

  “Thanks for seeing us on such short notice, Dr. Kah
n.”

  The therapist glanced over at him before returning her gaze to Jules. “Well, your husband was very persistent. Luckily, we were able to find room to squeeze you both in today.”

  Mason felt Jules’ eyes on him, but he kept his gaze on the therapist. “Persistent” was an understatement, but when he called her office, he had been adamant that they start their session today.

  Yesterday had been a wakeup call for him. He still couldn’t get past what Jules had told him, but learning that she had entertained the thought of sleeping with another man made him realize just how much he had pushed her away—and how close he was to losing her.

  After a few minutes of going through the therapeutic process and briefly discussing their current family composition, Dr. Kahn jumped right into the session.

  “Why don’t we begin by talking about how you two first met?”

  Mason was surprised by the question, and glanced over at his wife. Jules met his gaze, and it was obvious from the softness of her expression that she was remembering that night too.

  “I was in Atlanta for a game,” Mason began. “Which had turned out to be a gongshow.”

  “Gongshow?”

  “Lot of fights, penalties,” he explained. “Basically, one thrill-fest of a game that spilled into our hotel. A couple of my teammates and I were headed to another after-party, I think. I can’t remember. What I remember was being in one of the longest elevator rides, and that’s when I saw her.”

  “I was visiting from Texas that weekend for one of my pageant sisters’ wedding,” Jules added. “I was out with some of my girlfriends. I think we were on our way up to the hotel rooftop or something. And as soon as the elevator doors opened, I noticed him.”

  “So it was love at first sight?”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  Mason turned to her, and she arched a brow, amusement dancing in her eyes.

  “You fell in love with me on sight?” she asked.

  Mason shrugged. “Well, maybe it was more like lust at first sight.” He turned to Dr. Kahn. “She had on the sexiest, classiest yellow dress. My favorite color, so it was hard not to stare, which didn’t make for a very good first impression.”